James Kellner, former Obama supporter, claims he has a video recording from his cell phone showing the Junior Senator at a rest stop eating Oreo’s. “Not just once, but 3 separate times I saw Senator Obama take an Oreo, separate the the chocolate cookie from the white creamy center, and then only eat the outer dark cookie. He wouldn’t even touch the white cream, he removed it with a knife!”

As the public has come to grip with these breaking news, questions of Obama’s racism have come to light once again. “How can I trust a man who isn’t willing to eat or even touch the delicious creamy center of an Oreo? The only reason for such an action is hatred towards everything white!” Says Suzanne Swartner, a white suburbanite mother who staunchly supports Senator Clinton. 

Dr. Ted Fields, an expert in the field of racism and economics, says, “Studies at Washington State University have shown, from 3 separate case reports, that only people with deep seated racism towards white people were not willing to eat the white center of an Oreo. The study also shows some racism towards African Americans, as a few caucasian males decided not to eat the outer cookie – although to be fair, former studies prove that the creamy inside is, by far, the tastier part of an Oreo.”

Although not having been able to hear all the facts, John McCain reportedly told a Washington Post reporter on a campaign stop in New Mexico that “if these accusations are true, it is a sad day for America and the rest of the African American community who have not used laden racism as a crutch. It is a shame that the first viable black candidate would have to be a racist as well.” 

Hillary Clinton, just having suspended her campaign, told CNN, in light of these news, that she is re-opening her campaign and holding her kick-off event in Chicago, hoping to win over the those Obama supporters who feel disillusioned. “I would like to apologize to my supporters. I stayed in the race and only suspended my campaign because I was worried that something like this would happen. Having heard a few racial slurs uttered from Senator Obama’s mouth during our short meeting in DC, I still told my supporters to vote for him come November. Because of the immense pressure coming from the DNC, I decided to give in and endorse Barack – but I should have stuck to my principals. Today, we have all come to see what kind of man Senator Obama truly is. I pray that the Democratic Party will forgive me for my lapse of judgment, together we can get past this sad event and a still win back the White House this Fall.” Ever since the news came out, Clinton campaign advisor Terry McAuliffe has been actively calling superdelegates through the night hoping to shift the election to Senator Clinton, “30 superdelegates have already switched sides, this is a big night for Senator Clinton. There were doubters, but I always knew that Senator Obama would eventually slip up. Although some superdelegates are awaiting a response from the Obama campaign, we expect to have the necessary amount of delegates by Wednesday to claim victory for the Democratic nomination”. 

At a prayer vigil in downtown Chicago, meant to ask God to cast the demons out of Senator Obama’s heart, Universeity of Chicago student Anne Richard’s says, “I could deal with him being a Muslim, but to think that this man was hiding such blatant racism behind words of hope is just despicable! No Barack, no you can’t!” Even the black activist Al Sharpton has repudiated the Senators actions and called on the white community to “not think that this is a usual thing for the African American community. We, like many others, were seduced by Obama’s beautiful rhetoric, we had no idea of the evil in his heart.”

Even Obama’s white grandmother, who Obama recently reported to have have said racist comments towards black people, has commented saying, “I simply cannot believe it. He is half white! Considering the way he was raised, why in the world would he choose to be racist towards whites over blacks? It just doesn’t make sense. If only his mother were alive today…”

Questions of Senator Obama being the antichrist have also begun to surface. “There is no doubt in my mind that Barack Hussein Obama is the antichrist. He perfectly fits the description lain down in Revelations stating that the antichrist will: 1) be a man in his 40’s, 2) be a Muslim, 3) hate white people and Jews, 4) be a persuasive and influential leader, 5) run for President, and 6) have a swastika on the bottom of his left foot and a pentagram on the bottom of his right. I recommend someone tackling the Senator and taking off his shoes, then we may be able to finally prove to the world that Senator Obama is the antichrist, or maybe even worse!” A statement taken from Dr. Schweitzer, a professor at Moody Bible Institute and renowned expert on the book of Revelations – also the author of: “Revelations for Dummies”, “Hell is for Atheists”, and the immensely popular “If You Were Smart, You’d be a Protestant, Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, pro-life, Christian!” 

The Obama campaign has refused to comment so far, however his staff has leaked a possible 3rd party run for the White House (if he is unable to keep the Democratic nomination) – having Senator Obama name former Republican Congressman and Presidential nominee George Allen as his running mate. An Obama advisor commented, on the basis of ambiguity, stating that “Former Congressman Allen and Senator Obama have much in common, and such a ticket would show their bipartisan effort while allowing the Senator to have a running mate who agrees on such issues as race. While Allen’s color may cause friction, Senator Obama understands the need for compromise and realizes that while he may not like white people, and Allen may not like Black people – they can both agree on the fact that Indians, Mexicans, and Chinamen deserve no stay in the United States of America.